Before I even begin, I must say that I am someone who does, indeed, give a fuck. I give a fuck about what people think of me, I give a fuck about whether I’ve hurt someone with my words (even if it’s unintentional), I sometimes give a fuck about how I look, and a lot of these things, unfortunately, inform my actions a lot of the time. Judging by the fact that this book is suge a huge best-seller, it seems like that is a pretty standard aspect of the human condition, but there were times in my life where I’ve missed out on opportunities because of this, and thus I would like to give less of a fuck.
Unfortunately, despite Mark Manson’s catchy title, the book does not offer any particular advice on how to achieve this zen state of not giving a fuck (or at least, less fucks than you used to give). It starts out with a brief review of Bukowski’s life, stating how he was this absolute loser alcoholic, who had nothing going for him, but became a successful writer because he simply kept going, not because he wanted to succeed, but because he cared so little about everything, that there was never a reason to stop drinking, fucking and writing about his escapades.
The takeaway from this story is… I mean, just don’t give a fuck bro. It’s as simple as that.
A quick summary of “The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck”
Mark Manson’s “The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck” actually centers around what values you should adopt if you want to live a happy life. He outlines what the characteristics of those ‘good’ values are – they are reality-based, socially constructive, immediate and controllable, positive process-oriented and adaptive. Then, he goes into each of the five values he deems most valuable in the last 5/8 chapters of the book.
Here are the values he outlines:
- Responsibility: Manson emphasizes the importance of taking responsibility for our own problems, regardless of whether we caused them. It’s about accepting that our response to any situation has a powerful impact on our lives. The key idea is that we always have a choice in how we interpret and respond to circumstances.
- Uncertainty: Valuing uncertainty is about embracing the unknown and being comfortable with not having all the answers. Manson argues that a willingness to discover and accept truths, even when they are uncomfortable, leads to personal growth and learning.
- Failure: Manson presents failure as a value because it is through failure that we learn and grow. He suggests that the avoidance of failure is the avoidance of growth and improvement. Instead, embracing failure as an inevitable and instructive part of life enables us to take risks and pursue what we truly value.
- Rejection: The value of rejection is tied to the idea of being comfortable with not being liked or accepted by everyone. Manson argues that true freedom comes from being true to oneself, even if it means facing rejection from others. It’s about valuing genuine connections and interactions over seeking widespread approval.
- Mortality: Valuing mortality involves acknowledging and accepting our own mortality. Manson suggests that keeping the inevitability of death in mind can help us prioritize our values and actions more effectively. It’s a call to focus on what truly matters in life, knowing that our time is limited.
I absolutely agree with all of these values. And Manson’s story-telling really shines in the stories he provides in each of the value-chapters to drive the point home. Even though I do feel like this is one of the “self-help books that could’ve been a blog post”, I don’t think there was too much dwelling or repeating, and the book itself is short and snappy, so it was an enjoyable read.
There is a certain charm of reading physical books that you can never emulate with a computer screen. And that’s coming from a life-long screen dweller. Being immersed in a good book might be the only thing that can add to the the simple joy of sipping on a cup of coffee while enjoying the scenery of a train ride from Prague to Berlin (trust me on this one, you truck-loving, gas-guzzling, highway-core Transatlantic brothers).
So I would give it a final rating of 6/10. I don’t mind that I read it, it was a nice read, but I don’t think I will ever be rereading it.
Another thing I must say is that this will probably be one of my last self-help books that I’ve read. As a self-identified fuck-giver, I’ve read far and wide in search of a solution on how to be better, how to self-improve, hoping that I would reach a point where I’ve improved so much, that my need to give a fuck would completely go away – all of the problems and insecurities would have been solved, so even if a fuck was given, it would be a good fuck, a secure fuck, a fuck that doesn’t have my whole identity and confidence riding on it.
I’ve had little to no success in finding any deep psychological insights in these books. I was expecting that there was a secret that all of these no-fuck-givers know and I don’t, but turns out it’s just a matter of doing it DESPITE giving a fuck. Yes, life is much easier if you don’t have a fuck to give. If you are a member of the other group, unfortunately you’ll have to suck it up and do it anyway.
It will take time, but the amount of fucks-to-give will decrease. I guess the supply is finite. And to drive the point home, I’ll give one of my favorite last year quotes, that I wrote on a A4 paper with a black Sharpie and taped above my desk:
CLARITY COMES FROM DOING. NOT FROM THINKING ABOUT DOING.